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What to Do When Your Toddler Does Not Want to Share?
- Apr 16, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: May 8
“It is mine.” “Please share.” “Take turns.”
These phrases are familiar in many parenting moments, especially at playgrounds or playdates where emotions can rise quickly.
It can feel uncomfortable when your child refuses to share, particularly when others are watching.
But a toddler’s reluctance to share is not a sign of poor behaviour. It is a reflection of where they are developmentally.
🌱 Why Sharing Feels So Difficult
For toddlers, the idea of sharing is not yet fully understood.
At this stage, they are still learning that they are individuals, with their own preferences, belongings, and sense of control.
When a child says “mine,” they are not being selfish. They are learning what it means to have something of their own.
Sharing requires the ability to consider another person’s feelings and needs, a skill that develops gradually over time.
Until then, holding on tightly to objects can feel both natural and reassuring.
🤍 Shifting Expectations Gently
It is common for adults to encourage sharing early on, but expecting toddlers to do it consistently can lead to frustration for both child and parent.
Instead of focusing on immediate sharing, it can be more helpful to support the skills that lead up to it.
These include understanding turn-taking, learning to wait, and feeling secure enough to let go.
🌿 Guiding Without Forcing
Forcing a child to give up a toy may resolve the situation quickly, but it does not always support long-term learning.
When children feel pressured, they may become more resistant rather than more willing.
Instead, gentle guidance can help them feel understood while still learning boundaries.
🪞 Modelling What Sharing Looks Like
Children learn more from what they observe than what they are told.
When they see adults sharing time, attention, and belongings in everyday moments, they begin to understand what it looks like in practice.
Consistent modelling creates a quiet but powerful foundation for behaviour.
🤝 Supporting Turn-Taking
Turn-taking is often easier for toddlers to grasp than sharing.
Rather than focusing on time, which can feel abstract, it can help to anchor turns to something more concrete.
For example:
“You can play until we finish this song, then it will be her turn.”
Simple, predictable cues make the process clearer and more manageable for young children.
💬 Helping Them Express Themselves
As language develops, children can begin to express their feelings more clearly.
You might gently guide them with phrases like:
“I am still playing with this.”
“Can I have a turn after you?”
Giving children the words to use helps reduce frustration and builds confidence in social situations.
🌼 Allowing Time for Growth
Learning to share is not a skill that appears overnight.
It develops slowly, alongside emotional awareness and social understanding.
Patience, consistency, and gentle guidance often have a deeper impact than immediate correction.
💭 A Thought to Reflect On
When a child holds on tightly and says “mine,”
could it be less about refusing others, and more about learning where they stand in the world?
🩷 A Gentle Reassurance
This phase can feel challenging, but it is a normal part of development.
With time and supportive guidance, children gradually learn to take turns, cooperate, and eventually share.
If this resonated with you, you might share it with another parent who has faced a similar moment. Sometimes, understanding the “why” makes it easier to respond with calm and confidence.
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